The Diary of a Mad Woman

How is it that a month has passed and I have not uttered as much as a word?! Gasp! Could it be that I piled all my kids in the car at the first of May and headed to “okie-ville”. Well, yes. It could be.
Oklahoma is where I grew up and where all my family still calls home. In fact, my mom still lives in the same house I grew up in. Most people that are born in Oklahoma stay in Oklahoma, I think. There are only a handful of us lucky souls that manage to escape!

I am sure I will tell you all about our stately travels in the weeks to come, but here is an overview of the last couple of weeks:

Sunday(May 17th): Pile 5 kids in a 12 passenger van loaded with enough toys, food, videos, etc. to keep them busy for…like…5 seconds. 12 hours later, arrive at our destination.

Monday: Leave 3 kids with the grandparents. Take Jack to the urgent care for ear infection. Doctor agrees it is an ear infection (like I needed a nice man in a white coat). Drop prescription off. Take Dylan to a friend's house. Pick up prescription. Go to my blessed aunt’s funeral. (this is all before 11am). 4 hours later, drive hour to pick up Dylan and another hour back to grandparent’s house. Fall asleep standing up.

Tuesday: Have lunch with a friend. Recover. Good thing. 2am. Faith wakes up screaming that her ears hurt.

Wednesday: Leave 4 kids with the grandparents and take Faith to the urgent care. Once again, I paid a man ( a very nice one) in a white jacket $75 to tell me what I already knew.

Thursday and Friday: I know it probably seems odd to you, but these days are a blur. I know I was in Oklahoma.

Saturday: Drive to grandma’s house for the day

Sunday: Visit a friend’s church. Family comes to visit for a while.

Monday: Go to Home Depot with mom and to the grocery store. Between Home Depot and the grocery store, Jack's eardrum ruptures.

Tuesday: Leave kids with my mom this time and GO BACK to the nice man in the white jacket (now much wealthier thanks to me) and he confirms that I am right (who would have ever thought???) We get a NEW antibiotic and are off again.

Wednesday: Cleaned my mom’s house for 9 hours straight. Then, had company coming over, so cooked a little too.

Thursday: Visit with bestest friend!!! She has 4 kids, so I finally get to relax!!!!

Friday: No idea.

Saturday: Drive hour to mom's house, pick her up and drive 2 hours to Oklahoma City for the day. Visit family and friends.

Sunday: Go to the airport to pick up my friend, Bonnie, who has offered to drive back home with me…but wait…Bonnie is not there…a man that looks strangely like my husband is standing there waiting to be picked up. Matt’s work schedule changed and he decided to surprise me! Good thing I didn’t have my boyfriend with me! WHEW!

Monday: On the road home...at the end of our trip we hit 2,000 miles! In 2 1/2 weeks!



The last week has been spent trying to get caught up...bills, cleaning, laundry, unpacking, laundry, grocery shopping, laundry...oh, and then my body decided to rebel at the lack of eating right and sleeping and now I have a sinus infection.

Now, don't go feeling sorry for me! Number one, I did this to myself! Number two, I think God knows that I would not know what to do with myself if I had a moment's rest!

Alie is Awarded the Medal for Genius

Last week, I cooked every night (please don’t have heart failure…I know, you are shocked). So, come Friday night, we had a refrigerator begging to be emptied. Everyone was sad that eating out would have to wait for another day(most of all me...I HATE leftovers), but Alie came to the rescue! The girl is G-E-N-I-U-S!

She made up menus …complete with every leftover available. She even put the number of stars next to each item depending on which entrees she thought were the best. I am so glad that most of them had 4 or 5 stars!

She set up a table with a tablecloth and put flowers in the middle. Like any proper restaurant, there were crayons and paper provided. Alie brought in music…the good stuff…the alphabet song and nursery rhymes. She was such a gracious hostess. She didn't even turn one little customer away when she came to dinner in her new bathing suit..quite and etiquette blunder. Alie didn't care! Anyone was welcome at the "DeVries Diner" where "eating is a pleasure"...or so the menu promised!

She took their drink orders and then served them appetizers. They, then, got to pick whatever they wanted to eat. Dylan and Addy had tacos and Faith had spaghetti.

Both Alie and I learned a little something this day. I learned that all you have to use is a little ingenuity and your kids will WANT to eat leftovers. Alie learned that serving others is VERY demanding!

YOU be Jesus

I know it seemed as if I had fallen off the face of the planet. My one reader even mentioned to me on facebook that it had been a long time. Indeed. It has. Actually, it proved to be rather difficult to blog with a broken right hand. I must say that I am good at many things. Blogging one-handed? I am not!

I have lots of stories to catch up on and I am going to start with an Easter story. This is one of a different kind that you have probably not heard before.

GG (that’s great-grandma) gave Dylan some ties back when he was two. He loves them, but I won’t let him wear them anymore because they are entirely too small. They would be small for any five-year-old, but my son is five and wears a size 8! Needless to say that they look ridiculous.

The day before Easter, Dylan got dressed in shorts and a polo shirt. Then, he added his tie over the collar. He came to me with little puppy dog eyes and asked if he could pppllllleeeeeeesssseeee wear it. We were just going to the store, so I said yes (plus he was going to be with his dad while I got a few things and I didn’t have to be seen with him). There was never a happier boy!

Well, when we got back from the store, Dylan had taken the tie off and he and Addy were playing with it. They were taking turn striking each other with it…which I already had a problem with…but then I hear Dylan. He says, “Addy! You be Jesus!” and then he struck her across the back!

Now that we have that part down, I guess we really need to work on the whole Easter part of it!

Her Thermostat Is Broken

Alie's that is...

Alie has never understood how to dress for cold weather. She thinks that as long it is above freezing, shorts are totally acceptable. I, honestly, do not know where she got her internal thermometer from. I am cold ALL THE TIME. As I sit here typing, I have the thermostat on 75 and a space heater so close to me that I might actually catch on fire.

Well, I have been reading a book called "Grace-Based Parenting". It says that if you tell a child how to dress, they hear "You are too stupid to tell if you are hot or cold." So, I have not been telling Alie what to wear. I go into her room in the morning, tell her what we will be doing, and what the degrees will be.
On Friday, it was about 50 degrees and we were going to the park. I dressed the kids in layers, coats, and hats. Alie gets in the car in capris, a t-shirt, and crocs. I bite my lip so hard I think I made it bleed. Deep down, I was hoping she would freeze her tail off and FINALLY LEARN. Silly me. I should know by now that Alie would never let me win that easily. Nope. She is too smart for that. We get to the park and Alie gets out of the car with a winter coat and hat on (over her t-shirt and shorts).

Somewhere I have gone terribly wrong.

Anybody Got Any Gracefulness They Can Spare?

It has once again been over a week since my last post, but this time I have a real excuse. For those of you who did not hear, I broke my hand last Wednesday. Addy and Faith were playing in the kitchen sink and had spilled some water on the floor (I learned much too late to my dismay). I was carrying Jack, I slipped in the water, and fell. Instead of dropping Jack, I decided that breaking my hand would be a much easier course of action.

At first, I thought that I had just jammed my fingers, and since I hate going to the doctor, I went to the garage and tried to jerk them a bit. Some would call this crazy and I would have to agree with them, but one good thing did come out of my doing this: I knew for a fact it was broken.

So, once again, I had to call my best friend with my tail between my legs and ask for help. I say this not because she has ever complained (OR EVER WOULD), but because I seem to be calling on her a lot lately and she is always there! I love you M!

The kids were taken care of and my mother-in-law drove me to the hospital. 1 x-ray, a splint, a few drugs, and many more medical bills later...


Now, did I mention that it was my right hand? Of course, you already knew that because I would not be Courtney if it weren't. I mean, as you know, I do not believe in doing anything half way. Nope. If it is worth doing, you might as well do it right!


Also, I am a fast learner. I have learned really fast that your right hand is very important. I have learned really fast that I have taken this seemingly insignificant appendage for granted. Did you know that two hands are important for things like: tying shoes, changing diapers, washing dishes (I'm heartbroken about this one, ladies), carrying laundry baskets, unlatching infant car seats, typing, and the list goes on.


There is a little good news in all of this (besides the can't do the dishes part). I went to the orthopedic specialist last Friday. After asking me to fill out 10 pages of medical information (real comedy right here), they put me in a splint instead of a cast. So, at least I am not a stinky mom with a broken hand. I can take it off to take a shower.


Matt has been a trooper in all of this. He has been so helpful. On Tuesday, I got dressed in my lovely green shirt. Then, I tried to brush my teeth. I think I got more toothpaste on my shirt than my teeth! (What can I say? Between hitting my head on the washing machine and breaking my hand, we all know that I was absent the day they handed out gracefulness!) Anyway, Matt took my shirt, spot washed it in the sink, dried it with the blow dryer, and then brought it down to me and helped me put it on. What a great guy, eh? Now, I know it would have been easier to put on another shirt, but I wanted to match my cute kiddos! See?


















My hand is a bit tired after all this drama, so that is all I've got for now!

Shoeless in Nashville

The time change is not my favorite thing. I am such a creature of habit. I drive the same way to the grocery store. I wear the same bathing suit 10 years later (see previous post). I order the same thing at a restaurant every time...and so on. Needless to say, daylight savings time is an unwanted interruption in my existence. PLUS...why do they have to do it on a Saturday night??? Did the people that decided this not go to church??? Did they not have 5 children to get out of bed and dressed after being robbed of an hour of sleep???


Despite the world's conspiracy to derail my on-time arrival at church, I am happy to report that the whole family made it to church on time! I know! Can you believe it? It's okay. I couldn't either. Jackson did still have pajamas on, but they were cute ones so...no worries. I was feeling so proud as we were piling out of our van. Then I noticed something strange: Faith did not have her shoes on. Trying not to show too much frustration, I instructed her to get them on. "wheya dey do? she asks. So cute. Then, it hit me..."Matt, did you put shoes on Faith?"

Bet you can guess what his answer was, eh?

I decided there were worse things that we could have forgotten (at least the child had a diaper on) and Faith got to go to church in sock feet.

It Does Not Get ANY Better Than This

I have been really trying to be a good citizen these last few weeks and go to the gym. NOT that it has done anything for the waistline, but it had been good at making me increasingly tired. Today, I swam laps in the pool.

I need to first preface this story by saying a couple of things:

First, it may take a little time getting it all out...but in the end, I promise, you will not be disappointed in the least bit.

Second, you can not hold this story against me.

Okay, so I still have the swim suit that I wore in high school when I was on the swim team. Now, before you say anything, it is now a little stretched out (like my body), so it has left some extra room for some "extra mommy". Since it is so stretched out, I wear a sports bra underneath (the girls just won't stay where they are supposed to anymore).
The first funny part of this story is that I rubbed a small round place on my neck because I swam so many laps. Each time I would turn my head to the right to breath, it would rub on the extra thickness I had added with the sports bra.
You should see the looks that I get...they see the "hickey" on my neck as I walk out with my five children...

Wait! That is not even the funniest part! I get home and can't seem to dislodge all the water from my right ear. Have you ever had water stuck in your ear? It is the worst feeling! Every time you turn your head a different direction, the water rolls to another side.
So, I get on google. I love google. "How to get water out of your ear" ENTER
It tells me to pour alcohol in my ear, turn my head to the side, and jump up and down...seems pretty harmless...

I go to the first aid kit in the laundry room, pull out the alcohol, and put some in my ear. Everything is going just as planned. I then try to turn my head to the side and jump. BIG MISTAKE. I hit my forehead on the washing machine. I can honestly tell you I saw stars. In fact, I hit my head so hard that I fell into the wall. Thank goodness the wall was there! Who knows what would have happened had it not been there to catch my fall!

I now have a big blue knot on my forehead and I am supposed to tell people who ask that I hit my head on the washing machine trying to get water out of my ear???


P.S. The water is still there. Google rots.